Week Five!

Only one more week to go – hard to believe. I will have mixed emotions, though, at graduation, because it will also be the end of my association with the great people at Oyster Point who have shepherded me through this, particularly Adella, Justin, and Nate, my techs. My friend Bobbie accompanied me one day this week and, as I got my gown and blanket out of the cupboard, she said, “Like a spa”- an image that really captures the feeling of the place.

Still no side-effects to speak of, although Nate did notice today that my back is showing some effects of the burning. I never thought to look at my back! I thought the radiation was all through the front of the chest. I've been a little more fatigued the last couple of days, but I think I just need a little more sleep. I'm seeing Faith (Breath therapist and healer) regularly, as I did ten years ago with the breast cancer radiation, and I credit that work for much of these serendipitous results.

That's not all, though. My treasured friend, Jim Welch, has offered all along to play me a personal concert of the organ music of J.S. Bach. As many of you know, I grew up surrounded by this music (my Dad was a professional organist), and it is soul food for me. I'm a believer in the advice of one of my mentors: “Try and listen to at least a little Bach every day – it can have a profound effect on one's thought process and sense of well-being.” This morning, after the treatment, I drove right to St Mark's in Palo Alto where I spent a glorious hour listening to toccatas, preludes, fugues, sonatas. He ended with an all time favorite of mine, the Toccata in F Major, after which I always feel like I've died and gone to heaven.

Breath, music, friends, family, good medical care delivered in a healing environment – it's a recipe for well-being, no matter what the circumstances.

P.S. For those of you interested in the nutrition and cooking workshop mentioned last week, check out my friend Annabelle's blog, annabellesbigadventure.blogspot.com

End of the Fourth Week

Can it be? Is it four weeks already? Still no dreaded side effects, although this past week was a stretch.

For the first time since I was 3 years old, I slept for 10 hours! My take-away from this week, therefore, is that I need to get more sleep on a daily basis, and I need to start the re-org to free up Mondays again. Because of radiation schedule demands, I had started working a bit on Mondays, normally a non-work, discretionary-time-for-Barbara day. I miss it terribly. So physically, I'm doing pretty well, but I think I may be regressing psychologically as these old patterns re-emerge, i.e., the “too much to do” syndrome.

I asked my doc if she thought the treatment was happening, since I don't feel much different, last week notwithstanding. She assured me that it is, and reminded me that it's not over yet, and that, even after treatment ends, there could be residue. This week, Van and I attended a great “Orientation to Radiology” program at the Oyster Point facility. I have a better understanding of what is happening and how – pretty amazing.

Yesterday, at the instigation of my wonderful daughter-in-law, Susan,* who accompanied me, I went to a workshop on “The Cancer-Fighting Kitchen.” It was sponsored by the organization, Healing Journeys, and presented by Rebecca Katz (chef) and Jeanne Wallace (nutritionist). Much of what they talked about is good nutritional advice for all of us, but the focus was on particular nutritional strategies to complement cancer care. Another blessing at the presentation was the opportunity, over a delicious, healthy lunch, to share cancer stories with a couple of other women, most of which were about what what we're GETTING out of this experience – the silver linings. At the least, I'm learning to cook and to blog - that is the least, the most being the deepening relationships with friends, new and old, and with my blessed family.

*Susan's mother died two years ago of lung cancer. Her mother's journey was truly amazing – she lived two and a half years beyond her prognosis of 6 months by engaging fully in her life and availing herself of all the healing resources possible. Susan cooked for her and was introduced to Rebecca Katz at that time.

End of the Third Week

This is the end of the third week. I'm half done, hard to believe that it is going so fast. I still feel fine, have my appetite and no problems eating. Several people have accompanied me to a treatment and been introduced to my techs, the beautiful healing machine made by Varian, my doc, nurse, fellow patients, etc. We get a chance to schmooze all the way up and back. I'm already looking forward to preserving the time for myself that I now spend on treatments.

Van leaves for China right after we celebrate the end of radiation. Right after Van leaves, our surrogate son, Jeff, is coming down from Seattle to do some work in this area, and he will stay with us. He and I always have a great time, talking, walking, watching movies, gardening, cooking, eating, philosophizing. So there is lots to look forward to as well as lots to appreciate in the moment.

My plan is to report in at the end of each week from here on out. I'll send a short email in addition to reporting on the blog.

The Second Week

I've completed the Second Week now, and still feel very much like myself. The first couple of days, I was a little fatigued with having to get up so early to drive to the Kaiser Cancer Center at Oyster Point for my early morning appointment and, at the same time I was cutting off the caffeine, I go right on to work from the treatment but have a little down time to eat, rest, and prepare for the work day. At the end of my treatment today (Friday, 3/5), they told me to rest well this weekend – side effects usually start now, mainly fatigue, and, for me, possible trouble swallowing and eating. We'll see...

The Kaiser Oyster Point Cancer Treatment Facility is extraordinary. Every person working there is welcoming, friendly, helpful, supportive – doctors, nurses, techs, dieticians, receptionists, admins, - it makes for a truly healing environment. The process is superbly efficient and well-organized as well as flexible – if one arrives early, or late, they are easily accommodated. Since we are all assigned regular times for treatment, we have our own little radiate-mate groups, and follow one another's progress. My good friend Helen took me the other day, and everyone went out of their way to welcome her. The techs offered a tour of the radiation room and equipment, and she went in to see the doc with me (Wednesday is “Doctor's Day”, when everybody touches base with their doctor.) It's possible that I may welcome some help getting there if these promised side effects manifest, so others of you may have the opportunity to see it for yourselves.

I'll “graduate” the first or second week in April. Then comes the waiting – two or three months later, I'll have the tests to determine the state of the tumors. Maybe they will be shrinking, or at least contained. I'm working on getting rid of them – many sources recommend visualizing some sort of violent action against the bad guys (cancer cells). Being an advocate of non-violence, this wasn't working for me, but I did discover that imagining Tinkerbell (“Believe, just believe!), sleeping inside me and waking up as the rays start to penetrate, using her wand to hasten the death of dying cells (putting them out of their misery), and then sweeping up the dead cells and throwing them into the waste stream – that works for me.

Welcome to my new blog

As part of my new adventure, I'm learning how to blog! My purpose in doing this is to be able to provide a running commentary to those of you who are interested, and for you to be able to communicate easily with me. And, I expect to need some help along the way, so I will use this format to send out my SOS's. This will also give me an opportunity to share what I'm learning, resources, books & articles that I find helpful etc. For those of you that don't know the history, read the posts, from the bottom up, and you will have the whole story. More to come...

The Waiting Is Over

Boy, my family and friends must have a lot of pull with the universal gods. Today was the big day - my consultation with the radiologist. I liked her VERY much and feel very safe in her care. The cancer is stage IIIA, and I will be having the full course of radiation, 6-7 weeks of daily treatments, starting next week. Tomorrow I have the CT scan to determine site, position, etc., and later this week the dreaded MRI that I thought I'd avoided. ( to scan the brain as a base line for the future.) I'm familiar with this treatment from the breast cancer, but it is likely to have more side effects than I experienced then. They will be radiating two sites, the tumor and the lymph node. The latter is close to the trachea and esophagus, so I may have pain or discomfort eating. Also, it may be more tiring - but that's what they said I would feet last time and I didn't. There remains a question about the sternum - it is hot on the PT scan, as if there were cancer there, but it's more likely that it is the injury from my fall that causes it to show up like that. In about three months, we'll test again...if it shows less, than we can assume it is the injury which is healing. So you can all help now by visualizing a healing sternum...

Honestly, I feel quite positive about what's unfolding. There is the possibility of cure, or at least containment. I'm planning to have the radiation in the AM, and then work in the afternoon, so life will continue pretty much as usual, at least to begin with. I'll cut out the extras and be prepared to cut back work if, in fact, it is too tiring. Truthfully, I really don't know what to expect in the way of discomfort, pain and/or fatigue, so I'm planning to take it one day at a time.

Stand by for updates from time to time - and maybe even calls for help...

Love,

Getting Ready

O.K, here's the report so far: Dr. Canales just called, responding to my call earlier today inquiring about the status of the test results. As we had surmised, the reslts were being analyzed by many folks in order to determine the exact nature of the problem. It is not the breast cancer; it is non-small cell lung cancer. The tumor is about 2 centimeters, in the left lung; the node that is also involved is on the right. There is some question about the bone, which is probably the injury from the fall - that we will know as we see if it heals.

There are three levels of treatment, which is what is being determined now: 1) radiation - this would be best, but may not be possible if the radiation I had for the breast cancer would rule it out; 2) chemotherapy - my understanding is that it is pretty intense for lung cancers; 3) surgery - not desirable from any point of view, if it can be avoided. So your job now is to pray, God Willing, for the radiation to be feasible.

The news could be better, it could be worse. I must confess that my anxiety level is up a bit. They will be calling as soon as my radiation records are retrieved from Palo Alto Medical Clinic, and it is determined whether that can be the treatment. Of course, you will know as soon as I know what's next.

So here we go - it's a little more scary than exciting at the moment, but, for now, I'm staying in today. Right this minute, I am about to take off for an organ concert at Mem Chu. My Ipod is full of wonderful cantatas, and I plan just to stay in the experience of each moment. The most reassurance of all is the presence of each and every one of you in my life.

Stay tuned,