Getting Ready

O.K, here's the report so far: Dr. Canales just called, responding to my call earlier today inquiring about the status of the test results. As we had surmised, the reslts were being analyzed by many folks in order to determine the exact nature of the problem. It is not the breast cancer; it is non-small cell lung cancer. The tumor is about 2 centimeters, in the left lung; the node that is also involved is on the right. There is some question about the bone, which is probably the injury from the fall - that we will know as we see if it heals.

There are three levels of treatment, which is what is being determined now: 1) radiation - this would be best, but may not be possible if the radiation I had for the breast cancer would rule it out; 2) chemotherapy - my understanding is that it is pretty intense for lung cancers; 3) surgery - not desirable from any point of view, if it can be avoided. So your job now is to pray, God Willing, for the radiation to be feasible.

The news could be better, it could be worse. I must confess that my anxiety level is up a bit. They will be calling as soon as my radiation records are retrieved from Palo Alto Medical Clinic, and it is determined whether that can be the treatment. Of course, you will know as soon as I know what's next.

So here we go - it's a little more scary than exciting at the moment, but, for now, I'm staying in today. Right this minute, I am about to take off for an organ concert at Mem Chu. My Ipod is full of wonderful cantatas, and I plan just to stay in the experience of each moment. The most reassurance of all is the presence of each and every one of you in my life.

Stay tuned,

My New Adventure

It's time to begin sharing what's happening in my life right now. During our visit to the Desert in December, on a perfectly lovely hike, I fell flat down, injuring my sternum. As a result, I had an X-ray to be sure everything was O.K. The X-ray revealed an ominous shadow on the lung that needed further investigation. I had a CT scan just before New Year's which confirmed that, indeed, there is a mass in my lung. Next Tuesday (the 12th) I will have a CT biopsy to determine the exact nature of the mass and nodal involvement. I have just returned from an appointment with my oncologist, whom I have been seeing regularly since thebreast cancer of ten years ago. I'm feeling very good after talking with her - she described a whole range of possibilities, for all of which there are treatments!

The results of the biopsy probably won't be available until the following week. A Pet Scan is scheduled for Wednesday, the 20th - that's the one that is scaring me right now, frankly - 45 minutes closed up in a tube! Van went with me to the appointment, took good notes, and promised to help me prepare for the PT scan. (Feel free to talk to him about any of this - I have given my permission for him to know and discuss any of my medical issues.)

I am feeling very calm about all this (except for the scan on the 20th) - the hardest part is letting it out of the privacy of my own head, but my experience tells me that things go better with support. I'm taking it one step at a time; so far, it isn't too interruptive - I've been able to schedule work around the medical appointments; I'm starting up again with my harpsichord lessons that were on hold for the trip to China and the holidays; and I'm beginning an ongoing workshop study of the great Indian epic poem, Savitri, a symbolic myth about life, love, and death. Most important, now I have all of you to help me hold whatever is coming.

I'm "staying in today," "letting my breath come and go on its own,", and experiencing enormous gratitude for family, friends, my Kaiser health team, and even for falling and hurting myself so badly that the trouble inside could be discovered.

Thanks for being there,