Barbara H. Van Slyke

On April 23rd, Barbara Heaps Van Slyke, a resident of Stanford since 1967, died peacefully of lung cancer, surrounded by her family and close friends.

She had a long and successful career as a psychotherapist. She was also an accomplished musician, with a deep love for the harpsichord and baroque era music, especially that of J.S. Bach.

Born in Chicago on September 26, 1931 to Porter and Dorothy Heaps, she grew up in Evanston, where her father was an internationally known organist. She attended Carleton College, and in 1954 received a B.S. in education from Northwestern.

In July 1953, she married Lyman P. Van Slyke, then in Naval service based at NAS Alameda. They later lived in Berkeley, where he earned his Ph.D. in Chinese history at the University of California. During this period two sons and a daughter were born. They also lived for three years in Taiwan before and just after her husband joined the Stanford University faculty in 1963.

In 1971, Barbara earned an MSW degree from the University of California at Berkeley, thus beginning a career as social worker and therapist that continued until February 2011.

She also had a deep commitment to the recovery process and to its fellowship, from which she drew many of her closest friends. She also had a passion for her garden. She and her husband traveled often, both domestically and abroad, especially to Asia. Always a strong swimmer, in her later years she participated in short-course triathlons. In 2003, she finished first in her age group at the Pacific Grove Triathlon. It didn't matter to her that she was the only entrant in the over-70 category.

Barbara is survived by her husband of nearly 58 years; by her children, Peter (Denise), John (Susan), and Elizabeth; by four grandchildren; by her sister (Portia); by many nieces, nephews, and cousins; and by a wide circle of friends and former clients whom she loved and who loved her.

We wish also to thank the Kaiser Hospice Program for its unfailing care and consideration. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be sent to the San Francisco Early Music Society, to the Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra, or to the charity of your choice.

A memorial celebration will be held at St. Mark's Episcopal Church, 600 Colorado Avenue, Palo Alto on Friday, June 10, at 2:00 p.m.

Barbara's Excellent Adventure April 23, 2011

From Van

This phase of Barbara’s Excellent Adventure came to an end just after midnight, a few minutes into Saturday, April 23, 2011. She died peacefully, surrounded by me, her three children, (Dr.) Angie Chen, Laurel Leone, and Jeff Sawastuk. As the end approached, we sat in vigil in the candle-lit living room, scented with fragrance of mock orange from the garden and with some of her favorite music softly playing. Her sister Portia arrived shortly after her passing.

During the final weeks of her illness, Barbara became more and more purely what she most was: a being of wonder, affirmation, gratitude, and love.

A memorial celebration of Barbara’s life is being planned for a future date. When available, information will be posted here. Her ashes will be interred in the family cemetery plot in Austin, Minnesota, where in due course I will join her.

Update from Van for Monday 4/18/11

Again time has passed, the days slipping by insensibly, poignantly. Slow, noticeable physical weakening; spirit as sweet as ever but wandering further afield. Jeff, the creator of our garden, is here now for a couple of weeks of work and companionship.

Update from Van for Thursday 4/7/11

It has been some days since the last entry. As you may have inferred, Barbara remains much as before--comfortable almost all the time, perhaps a little weaker, but still quite present and engaged when she's awake. Her spirit continues to astonish those around her: no shred of self-pity, no complaining, still experiencing what wants to happen. As Kenny Hall put it, "Barbara has her house in order." This is the most deeply felt experience of my life by far.

2 beautiful photos of Barbara from the weekend

Reading The Book of Common Prayer on Saturday.

Having a visit with her beloved Loden on Thursday,

"that sunny warm day with the windows wide open

and the spring aromas wafting in..." (Angie)

Report for March 30th

Report for March 30th (or 79.5 + 4, according to Betsy Gifford's dating suggestion): holding steady here.

Update from Van for Sun Mar 27

It's Sunday morning, March 27 as I write this. "Renaissance" is not precisely the right word, but for the last few days, it feels something like that. There have been longer and longer periods of lucidity, engagement, and expressions of that loving, positive spirit Barbara so embodies. Very little pain or other discomfort. Even some slight return of appetite and the sweet feel of flavor on her tongue. She's slept well the last two nights and naps during the day, but often, when apparently asleep, she's hearing almost everything we say, opening her eyes and murmuring, "No, you're not remembering that right."

The formidable Laurel (webmaster for this blog, and much else beside) calculated that yesterday, March 26, was exactly Barbara's 79.5 birthday, a factoid none of the rest of us would have ever thought to calculate. A lovely, lively birthday party ensued--eight of us and Barbara beaming at the center. The pictures don't say it all but they say a lot. In additional serendipity, one of our dearest, oldest friends, Paul Ivory, called from Australia, and the edges of long separation were drawn once again closer together. Her harpsichord teacher, Kathy Perl, will play for her later today.