Second and Third Week of Waiting

My life is continuing so normally - I forget that I'm in a waiting-to-see mode. My friend and surrogate son, Jeff, who has been here for the last two weeks, accused me of faking this "supposed" illness. We had as good a time as ever hanging out, cooking, chatting, watching movies, and, most importantly, refreshing the garden. Jeff came into our lives about twenty-six years ago and taught me everything I know about gardening (with all the metaphors for life), while making beautiful gardens for us year after year. About twelve years ago, he relocated to Seattle but continued to come down once or twice a year to care for those of us, and our gardens, left bereft in his absence. When he comes, it's as if the plants know that he's here - they wake up and clamor for his attention. Everybody (the plants and I) feel rejuvenated by his presence. Missing in this wonderful mix, however, was Van. We had to get along without his remarkable insights, questions, suggestions, and humor. I even missed our gardening arguments, which Jeff is masterful at mediating. Van will be returning from his China trip on Tuesday, the day the weather is supposed to change. I was hoping he'd arrive on a day as beautiful as those we're having this weekend.

Like the weather, there are occasional clouds. I got a call requesting that I schedule a CT scan. I was surprised because the radiation results won't be reliable for another couple of months. Apparently, this one is to see whether the cancer has appeared anywhere else. Today, I attended a seminar about Professional Wills, something I've been procrastinating about for 30 years. Now it seems urgent. I will pay "right attention" to these cloudy issues, while basking in the sunshine of music, the poetry of Sri Aurobindo, and the outreaches from all of you - soup from Gretty, memories from Dean, an upcoming visit from long-lost Glenn - keep 'em coming!

First Weekly Report While Waiting

With all the distractions of my life, I'm not really aware that I'm “waiting.” Van left, with some ambivalence, for China on Wednesday, reassured that I'd be O.K. because Jeff (my gardening pal and surrogate son from Seattle) was to arrive on Friday. Jeff's presence alone is healing, and working in the garden, especially with Jeff, has always been good for my soul. He got here early enough to go for a Dish walk (for those of you who are not local, we call the satellite that sits way up in the open space above Stanford, “The Dish.”) It was the first time I'd been up there since my diagnosis. I took it slowly with walking sticks and camelback (for water), not as easy as it used to be, but the exercise felt great. Also this week, I went back to riding my bike to work, and that feels so good.

Yesterday (Saturday), we went plant shopping at a very interesting nursery in South San Francisco – The Flora Grub – and brought lots of treasures home to plant in my garden. Today it's raining, good for the garden but not inviting us to work in it. Except for a walk around Lake Lagunita (started with a little sun, but ending with a good soaking), Jeff and I are hanging out – he's working on a design project and I'm finishing my to-do list for the weekend.

Thanks for all your ongoing support – Cousin Brigie continues to stop into the temples in Taiwan to offer up prayers; Virginia sent a Medicine Buddha, as an assist to Tinkerbell; Grace is wondering what happened to this week's blog update, as is Laurel. I am quite surprised and touched by people's interest in this unfolding, rather ordinary story. It certainly is helping me, so I shall continue to write weekly updates during this waiting period.

My First Photo Blog!

Here's the photo story of my last treatment:

(1) standing by my 'Healing Machine'

(2) going in for very last treatment (32 in all!)

(3) with 'Team Yosemite', Adella & Nate

(4) on the way out the door to celebrate!

The Sixth – and Last - Week

My, that went fast! As one of my friends said, I am now Radiant. I have a “CERTIFICATE OF COMPLETION, Given this 2^nd Day of April, 2010.” As with all graduations, the relief is mixed with the sadness that comes with endings. I've always had difficulty with “It's Over.” It helped today that my friend Helen was there to take pictures and go out afterwards for a celebratory coffee.

This week, I felt a little more fatigued than I have before, so I welcomed the several rides that were offered and the company of these great friends. I was not too tired, though, to take a lovely walk last Sunday with my sister Portia. She brought me a Prayer Plant – yes, that is the name of it -- how could I not be O.K. with the people in my life coming up with such thoughtful support? I have a lovely collection of heartwarming cards, letters, emails, and a bunch of beautiful lilacs on my kitchen table.

Now the waiting begins – three months for the unseen work of the radiation to be completed. Tinkerbell will be very busy, sweeping up dead cells, maybe working a little magic. Then we'll see what happened in there. Dr. Canales, the team leader, wants to do a CT scan after six weeks, just to check progress, I guess, but we won't have a final result until after two to three months.

As the first chapter of this story comes to an end, I'm reminded of my childhood love affair with Christopher Robin, who was described at the end of his Measles Drama (quite a story – look it up in Now We Are Six) as follows:

"Christopher Robin woke up in the morning,

The measles had vanished away.

And the look in his eye

Seemed to say to the sky,

Now, how to amuse them today?”

Stay tuned - we'll see...