Fifth Week of Waiting

The big event of this week was a reunion with my old friend and colleague, Glenn Olf, and his wife, Jeanne Ewy. Glenn and I worked together for many years doing couples therapy and facilitating groups. During my stint at Midpeninsula Health Service, Jeanne was Executive Director (my boss). I grew up professionally during the years that Glenn and I were partners, and I am indebted to him for his role in helping me see myself more clearly. That was an exciting time in my personal history. Working at MHS with Jeanne, I could follow my intent as a social worker to be on the forefront of social change, particularly in health care. They were also years of transition from wanting to save the world to realizing that the only life I could save was my own. There is something reassuring about these re-connections, a comforting sense of continuity. Perhaps this harvest season of life is a time of gathering the fruits of a lifetime of sowing and cultivating. It is gratifying that there is a sense of bounty, in spite of the droughts and devastations of fate, and the neglect and wrongdoings of unconsciousness.

Somebody, this week, referred to "ever since you got sick", meaning ME! It was jarring, because I don't think of myself as "sick." Perhaps it's because of my upbringing in Christian Science, or perhaps it's because, while I am a person who has cancer, there is more of me, as that person, than the sickness. Couldn't the spirit be healthy, even if the cancer were to ravage the body? My personal bible would include the following parable:

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a
battle that goes on inside people.

He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves'
inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow,
regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope,
serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy,
generosity, truth, compassion and
faith.'

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then
asked his grandfather:

Which wolf wins?'

The old Cherokee simply replied, 'The one you feed.'